Cold feet and jitters.

Amidst all the wedding hype, I had moments when my happy thoughts were held back by some unnecessary uncertainties and anxieties. Im not sure if that’s what they call cold feet but it’s giving me a few restless nights in a row for couple of occasion. It puts me in low moods for no apparent reason. I just couldn’t place the main contributor to this.

Could it be the stress and pressure from all the planning? Probably it’s the money issues? Or the fear of an impending false hope or unexpected turn of events? Wedding jitters are supposed to be mild and healthy in a sense. Some believe it could be a more serious cause; that you are having doubts and second thoughts about the wedding.

After the first engagement with my ex-fiance, i had serious problem with my pre-wedding jitters that i broke down a couple of times. I thought it was perfectly normal to feel that way. Besides, jitters are vastly common experiences amongst all brides- and grooms-to-be. But, it escalated to a point when I had constant insecurities and felt detached with all the planning because of issues that never had a proper closure. My ex fiance is a man of few words and one who is not in touch with his feelings or mine, whereas i hunger for all the attention and affection in a relationship. Honestly, we never had a heart to heart conversation and he never talked about his pasts (which made it difficult for me to understand him). Then i ask myself, why should i be deprived of it? I thought of how depressing my future will be sleeping with a man i barely know after 6 years!

So that’s the end of it. It was the most difficult period for me. 3 months before the supposed wedding date, i had to deal with people asking me about the wedding progression and i had to subtly veer my way through to escape interrogation. Since i was the party who called off the wedding, i know how the whole world looked at me. I could see all fingers pointing, like I’m the bad guy, i am stupid, it’s my loss. I’ve shamed the family name. But it was a relief and, believe it or not, i feel that it was something i should have done way before.

So, back to the present, the jitters I’ve been having is nothing like the previous ones. Good jitters, i should say. I have no worries for my future after the wedding with mr fiance. He is an exceptionally loving person who doesn’t feel ashamed of expressing his affection (which i like!). We talked openly about past encounters from the love crushes to ex-partners and share a lot of common interest together. The fact that we are on the same wavelength in our perception and thinking, we appreciate each other’s differences and solve disagreements amicably. It felt like we had known each other for a long time.

Well, i can safely say that, perhaps, whatever im going through is just normal. maybe it’s my bridal nerves cracking up into a bridezilla. LOL! silly i know. I am undoubtedly thankful for this wonderful journey. i hope that despite the hiccups or whatever bumps there may be, me and my dearest will hold strong to bring this relationship into a whole new level.. Insyallah.

One down and more to go..

Im SSSOOOO happy and elated that we’ve finally come to a decision on an perfect bridal package after meeting Kak Suraya! 🙂

In addition to that, we also engaged Abg Yazid from Lane 60 to be our pre wedding photgrapher! Btw.. it wasn’t a implusive decision. Initially, when we heard about Lane 60 last year, i hesitated and unconvinced with what he can produce because the company is still considered “green” and i could not get alot of reviews or feedbacks from his work. Little did i know Abg Yazid used to work with a well known wedding photography company for some impressive years before leaving and went solo. After a short visit to his place at Woodlands to look at his pieces, I was pretty amazed at his work. By the way he speaks, I can tell that Abg Yazid is very enthusiastic as a professional photographer. He is full of fresh new ideas and loves/dares to do something different. He gave a handful of suggestions as to what me and fiance may want to do for our pre wedding shoots. One of which im considering is taking portraits in the middle of a busy Orchard road with white wedding dress! (i think i came across a similar background years ago and i really liked it!) Me and fiance are definitely looking forward to work with him on our upcoming shoots in September, insyallah.

Anyway, now back to Chinta, had fun trying out all the different tanjak for fiance because he is also getting into the moods of the wedding preps. Kak Suraya was very helpful and patient that she even layan my husband-to-be with his dream ideal tanjak! He and his karena.. She even let us take photos with it so we can show it to whoever we think is relevant to give their opinion.

I, on the other hand, was taking chances and browsed through the bridal collection when i came across this peachy songket and fell in love with it at once. Kak Suraya said the songket is the heaviest outfit she has and i can tell why; the embroideries and cloth are made of superb quality. Im a die hard songket lover so, to wear one with sanggul lintang on the event day is a must and part of the plan from the very beginning of this whole process. *excited much can!*

Then… in the midst of all the excitement there, sister in law texted me and asked what is the color of my baju sanding.. I panicked! Mestilahkan.. i haven’t do any selection of outfits yet.. i cannot even gauged whether it’ll be light or dark tone, because i have not seen ALL the baju. I may have what i want in mind but nothing is confirmed yet because i need to consider the background of my deco and the variety of outfits that im gonna choose. So that’ll have to wait till July.

Overall, it was indeed a fruitful meet-up and we were absolutely satisfied with how smooth-flowing the day went.. 😉

how many is too much

I’m so excited to meet Kak Suraya this coming monday to confirm a suitable bridal package. I had booked Chinta for my wedding since years ago! (yes, 3 years ago. why? later i storytelling) Initially the package i signed up before she took over Chinta includes 8 outfits (for both event and photoshoot) plus indoor/outdoor photoshoot but 3 years on she cant expect me to pay the same price for that much service. of course i understand her because inflation is a BITCH.

Now, after much consideration, i think 8 outfits is beyond what i can managed. I am tailoring my nikah costume so if i continue to take 8 outifts im gonna have a major headache deciding what to wear when, when to wear what and what is what. Confused? See what i mean.

Hopefully i can come to a solid conclusion after meeting her. One tip from future sis-in-law: Cut down on the unnecessary to avoid future complications. True that. *thumbs up*

22 & 23 Decemeber and beyond

These two dates are days I’m looking forward to this year.

It’s coming to our 8th month officially engaged after our parents met during the previous hari raya visiting. He proposed early last year (or was it late 2010?) at the marina barrage where he surprised me with a “star on my finger” and his homemade pasta. LOL. Not the kind of proposal every girl dreamt of but, yeah, it’s special in its own way and i never complained.

Time passes so fast that i can’t exactly remember what actually took place. The first thing i know we were engaged and now we’re starting to get busy with preparations. But i’m glad to experience this moments with the right man. The kind of man i always dreamt i would end up with. Alhamdulilah.. We had a roguh start to the relationship but that’s another story to be told in another post another day. 🙂

The preps are an ease so far and im aware that as the day comes closer, there will be more things to consider and discuss. That means more confusion and headache. As we know, malay wedding prep is never a straightforward task especially when parents are involved. Fortunately, my mom is pretty considerate and not fussy with my personal wedding theme and plans.

It’s every bride’s fear when things dont go the way as planned during her big day, especially after months of intense efforts put in for the preparations (not forgetting the amount we pay). i learnt from stories that no matter how prepared you are, there will definitely be some hiccups (big or minor). Even if you forsee the problem/s, there is so much you can do because you and your groom will have to put that gorgeous smile for guests. you cant be running elsewhere to fix whatever problem.

On the other hand, whatever happens on the event stays there (although, yes, makciks and pakciks love to comment and brag about food etc. afterwards). Anything beyond is a whole new story altogether. There will be new responsibilties, major changes in decision making, sense of selflessness and awareness. From there on, the word wedding will be replaced by marriage.